When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
