i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The Olympian is in my bed
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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