my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
