There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
