her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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