I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
