just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize