If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
