Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
