haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I feel great
I just peed on a car
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
