we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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