I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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