PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize