you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize