Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
