I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
