I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
