my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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