he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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