We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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