Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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