trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
