no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
