so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
