just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
