Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
