i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
