so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
