We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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