Define "chronic" masturbator.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize