It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize