how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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