She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize