But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
