the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
