Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Terrible idea I love it
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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