Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
