glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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