Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
