i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I need moral support for this bender
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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