Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
