i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
