I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
