get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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