I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
