So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm just crazy horny about you
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
