you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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