the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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