My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
