It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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