there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize