you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
