Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
