3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
