umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
