I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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