I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
