It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
