Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
