Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
