i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
