I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
