you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
