Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
