Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
