i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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