My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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