So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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