You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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