Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
