When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
